Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize