So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
