OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my phone needs a breathalizer
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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