Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
