I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
