She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
