he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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