apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
