dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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