Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
