She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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