from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
