I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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