"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need a burrito and a hug.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
