Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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