Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
