I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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