I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
