I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
