U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
whose ass print is on the piano?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize