i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
