i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
