Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
