Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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