The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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