Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
