I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
