I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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