just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
