if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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