There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
