Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize