Just fell off a train. Bad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
