I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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