Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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