she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
