Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
