And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize