Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
