yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize