My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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