If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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