i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize