Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
