You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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