omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
