i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
