I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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