Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
