New low: just hacked my moms facebook
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
