we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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