okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
