i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
