theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
