You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Randomize
