i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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