She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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