you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
