I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
