the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you made out with another girl for some wings
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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