no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
