I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
