I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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