the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
