I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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