I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
