But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
