Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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