if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
