the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
