It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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