I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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