She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well, you know. whores of a feather.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
