So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
