if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
is it fun? or sober?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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