he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
