dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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