It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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