I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
