After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
