So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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