why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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