I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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