every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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