Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
