what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
