She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
