3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize