is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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