he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
