sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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