Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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