you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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