i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
