Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So here I am, sexting at work.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
