i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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