4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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