i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
