UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
