yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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